色诱直播

This annotated exemplar is intended for teacher use only. Annotated exemplars consist of student evidence, with commentary, to explain key parts of a standard. These help teachers make assessment judgements at the grade boundaries.

Download all exemplars and commentary (Creative) [PDF, 251 KB]

Download all exemplars and commentary (Non-fiction) [PDF, 260 KB]

- NCEA.education

For Achieved, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions. 

This involves developing ideas using stylistic conventions appropriate to the audience and purpose, and using written conventions without intrusive error patterns that impede meaning. 

The student begins to develop ideas by describing their emotional connection to their Nan鈥檚 house. Ideas about the importance of the house and personal memories of family gatherings are described. For example, 鈥渢he excitement flowing through the house鈥� and the 鈥渏ar of cookies up on the cupboard.鈥� These moments help to show why the house is important to the student. There is some attempt to develop ideas through personal reflection, for example 鈥淭his meant the world to me and my family because it has been here with us ever since my mum was young.鈥�  

For Achieved, the student could further develop their ideas by adding reflection or explanation of significance. This could include description of the setting of the house or developing the significance of the cookies or the pictures. Using stylistic conventions to support idea development is also needed to shape meaning for the audience. This would help move the writing beyond a recount of events. For example, imagery such as 鈥淚t was like a crystal stair鈥� could be further developed. 

Written conventions contain errors that impede meaning. There is unclear phrasing such as 鈥淎nd I could you not鈥︹�� and 鈥淲henever I always took that first to go inside鈥�. Sentence fragments and run-on sentences also make it difficult for the audience to interpret the intended idea. 

For Achieved, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions. 

This involves developing ideas using stylistic conventions appropriate to the audience and purpose, and using written conventions without intrusive error patterns that impede meaning. 

The student begins to develop ideas by sequencing the events of the trip in chronological order. The recount lists specific details of activities such as beach games, the Captain Tamas Lagoon Cruise, and the hike up Te Rua Manga (The Needle). This shows an attempt to build a sense of activity and place through factual information. For example, 鈥淭he games that we played at the beach were capture the stick the fastest鈥︹�� and 鈥淲e were greeted with some beautiful songs from the staff鈥︹��. 

Moments of personal response are included, such as expressing enjoyment 鈥淚 reckon my group won鈥︹��, boredom 鈥淲e got bored so we went back to the resort鈥�, and interest in events like the Samoa vs Kiwi game. This indicates an emerging personal voice.   

For Achieved, the student could further develop their ideas by adding reflection, explanation, or purposeful detail to consider the significance or impact of the activities. Selecting appropriate vocabulary, sentence structures, and other stylistic conventions to turn the recount into experiences shaped for a specific audience is needed.  

Written conventions include several errors that affect fluency, but do not impede meaning. There are some examples of run-on sentences, missing or incorrect punctuation, and inconsistent capitalisation. The repetitive use of formulaic sentence starters such as 鈥淎fter that鈥︹��, 鈥淎nd then we鈥︹��, 鈥淭he next day we鈥︹�� could be edited to create variety for the audience. 

For Achieved, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions.  

This involves developing ideas using stylistic conventions appropriate to the audience and purpose, and using written conventions without intrusive error patterns that impede meaning. 

The student develops and sequences ideas in a narrative about waking in an unfamiliar dystopian environment and preparing to survive an approaching storm. The main idea is established early through the description of the setting, for example 鈥渢he stabbing feeling of dead grass鈥� and 鈥渕iserable and gloomy鈥� skies.

Ideas about survival are further developed through the introduction of the countdown device and the need to find shelter. The student introduces another character and builds tension through their dialogue and the emerging conflict, 鈥淲e go back and forth in hand to hand combat鈥︹��. 

Stylistic conventions appropriate to a dystopian narrative are used to develop ideas. Descriptive detail is provided, for example 鈥渄eep and dark forest鈥� and 鈥渟moke hanging out above the trees鈥�. Dialogue and the twist in the ending help shape the narrative for the intended teenage audience. The writing is mostly accurate, with sentence structures and vocabulary supporting meaning throughout. While there are occasional errors in punctuation and phrasing, these do not impede meaning. 

For Merit, the student could extend and connect ideas convincingly, by developing the central concept of 鈥榮urvival鈥� beyond a straightforward sequence of events. Providing specific detail about the significance of key moments is needed, such as the impact of meeting the other survivor or the meaning behind the storm. Selecting and sustaining stylistic choices for effect could also support the development of connected ideas and result in a more convincing narrative.

For Achieved, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions.

This involves developing ideas using stylistic conventions appropriate to the audience and purpose, and using written conventions without intrusive error patterns that impede meaning. 

The student develops, sequences, and structures ideas about the lack of job opportunities in New Zealand. The central idea is established in the opening paragraph by commenting on the 鈥渟truggles that people face with getting jobs鈥� and the 鈥渆conomic and social consequences鈥� of inaction. Focus is maintained throughout the writing as the student develops several causes of the problem, including unrealistic experience requirements, competition, and unfair hiring practices.

Ideas are expanded with reference to personal experience, with the rhetorical question 鈥淗ow am I supposed to get two years鈥� experience鈥�?鈥�. Supporting detail on the issue is provided, such as the unemployment statistic from TVNZ and the reference to youth unemployment in the student鈥檚 hometown.  

Stylistic conventions appropriate for an opinion piece are used to develop ideas. These include rhetorical questions, direct address, and assertive statements (鈥淏usinesses need to wake up鈥︹��), showing a clear personal voice. The ideas are structured logically, moving from the problem to examples, to solutions, and to a conclusion that restates the main point. Written conventions have no intrusive error patterns that impede meaning.

For Merit, the student could convincingly extend and connect ideas, providing explanations of how and why each factor impacts job seekers. For example, 鈥淭here are limited opportunities in certain areas鈥�This can鈥檛 keep happening.鈥� could be extended to explain possible reasons for this and how it affects youth.

Selecting vocabulary and stylistic features for appropriate effect is needed to strengthen the argument. For example, phrases such as 鈥渂ad system鈥�, 鈥渋sn鈥檛 fair鈥�, or 鈥渨ake up鈥� express personal voice, but lack the precision or nuance that would create a convincing argument.

For Merit, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions convincingly.

This involves developing connected ideas using stylistic conventions for effect, appropriate to audience and purpose, and using written conventions with accuracy. 

The student develops and connects ideas about their relationship with pounamu across childhood and adolescence. The significance of place is established early through descriptions of growing up on the awa, for example 鈥淎rahura鈥�trailed down snow capped mountains and flowed into the roaring tides of Te Tai Poutini.鈥� Ideas about searching for pounamu are extended through specific memories, including collecting stones with cousins and repeatedly looking for the 鈥済limmer of green.鈥� Convincing sequencing is evidenced as the student establishes the historical significance of pounamu, followed by the finding and sharing of a real piece of pounamu with a cousin.

Stylistic conventions are used to support the development of ideas. Descriptive detail such as 鈥渃old, crashing waters鈥�, 鈥済lowing green rock鈥�, and 鈥渇ace lit up like a Christmas tree鈥� builds the emotional tone and highlights the depth of connection the student has to pounamu. The symbolism of pounamu is explored through phrases like 鈥渢he missing piece of my wairua鈥� and through the final scene where the hei pounamu calms the narrator before performing. These stylistic choices help to connect the different experiences and shape a cohesive narrative for the intended audience. The writing is mostly accurate in its use of written conventions.

For Excellence, the student could integrate ideas by exploring the deeper significance of pounamu. Drawing out the broader implications of the connection they feel to the pounamu beyond personal recollections would allow the writing to offer insightful conclusions about identity, wh膩nau, and whakapapa. Integration of stylistic choices across the piece would also support a consistent and insightful examination of the main idea.

For Merit, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions convincingly.

This involves developing connected ideas using stylistic conventions for effect, appropriate to audience and purpose, and using written conventions with accuracy. 

The student convincingly develops and connects ideas about global inequality by sustaining a clear contrast between children in West African countries and those in developed countries such as New Zealand. The central idea of 鈥渢wo sides, one coin鈥� is introduced and used as a framing device for the comparisons that follow.

Ideas are connected and extended, such as the explanation of how malnutrition limits physical and cognitive development: 鈥淐hronic malnutrition leads to victims being physically and mentally disadvantaged, making their day-to-day lives more challenging.鈥� This development is continued through related points about water access, education, government underfunding, and the impacts on children鈥檚 futures.

Stylistic conventions are used for effect. For example, contrast 鈥淐ompared to a more developed society like New Zealand鈥︹�� and emotive vocabulary 鈥渟hocking鈥�, 鈥渦nfair鈥�. Summarising statements that reinforce the writer鈥檚 perspective are also used, e.g. 鈥淭his clear imbalance reveals something unfair鈥︹��. These choices help shape the persuasive tone and support the purpose of highlighting inequality. The writing is mostly accurate in its use of written conventions.

For Excellence, the student could integrate insightful ideas into their argument, such as exploring deeper causes such as the moral or systemic complexities behind inequality. Stylistic choices could be used effectively to reach Excellence, such as more sophisticated rhetorical strategies or a synthesised conclusion that strengthens the overall impact.

For Excellence, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions effectively. 

This involves integrating insightful ideas and stylistic conventions to command attention, appropriate to audience and purpose, and using written conventions with control.

The student integrates insightful ideas about the contrast between war and home, exploring the soldier鈥檚 psychological dislocation upon returning from combat. The central idea is introduced through the juxtaposition of sensory experiences, for example 鈥渢he sky seemed so blue鈥�Not three nights ago was his world only that of earth, blood, and rot.鈥� The student extends this contrast through reflections on memory and perception, showing how the vividness of peace feels overwhelming after trauma. This integration of ideas across the piece supports a compelling examination of the soldier鈥檚 internal world.

Stylistic conventions are integrated thoughtfully to command attention. Alongside sensory descriptions of sound and movement, imagery such as 鈥渢ainted a saddening, nostalgic yellow鈥� and 鈥渉er smell of rose perfume broke him down to tears鈥� shape the sombre tone and reinforce the emotional impact of the soldier鈥檚 return. Symbolism is used consistently to convey the lingering effects of war, including the transformation of everyday domestic sounds into echoes of danger, for example 鈥渆ach creaking floorboard turned into the snapping of a branch.鈥� These integrated stylistic choices deepen the audience鈥檚 understanding of the ideas.  

Written conventions are controlled, with varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary creating fluent and effective writing.  

For Excellence, the student needs to develop ideas in writing using stylistic and written conventions effectively. 

This involves integrating insightful ideas and stylistic conventions to command attention, appropriate to audience and purpose, and using written conventions with control.

The student integrates insightful ideas about the causes and impacts of climate change, particularly for vulnerable Pacific nations such as Kiribati, Tuvalu, and the Marshall Islands. The writing moves beyond factual explanation to examine the unfairness, urgency, and global moral responsibility inherent in the issue. For example, the student notes that Kiribati is 鈥渓east responsible, yet most affected鈥� and describes residents 鈥渨atching their futures wash away鈥�, demonstrating thoughtful understanding of the human, cultural, and political perspectives. The concept of rising seas is expanded through insight into consequences, such as displacement and loss of identity.

Stylistic conventions are used effectively throughout to command attention. For example, the student includes extended metaphors 鈥渢he Great Pacific thieving from right under their feet鈥�, and imagery is carefully crafted 鈥渢he ocean is rising, swelling, and warming with the mass of melted ice鈥�. Overall, the stylistic conventions work together to create impact. Facts and statistics, repetition, and rhetorical patterns reinforce urgency. There is an effective concluding reflection 鈥渨hether we can rise above and overcome this challenge together鈥� that synthesises the piece鈥檚 ideas with control. Written conventions are controlled.